November 27, 2011

Memory-an excerpt

From Memory by HP Lovecraft:
The Genie that haunts the moonbeams spake to the Daemon of the Valley, saying, “I am old, and forget much. Tell me the deeds and aspect and name of them who built these things of stone.” And the Daemon replied, “I am Memory, and am wise in lore of the past, but I too am old. These beings were like the waters of the river Than, not to be understood. Their deeds I recall not, for they were but of the moment. Their aspect I recall dimly, for it was like to that of the little apes in the trees. Their name I recall clearly, for it rhymed with that of the river. These beings of yesterday were called Man.”
"I can't remember a thing.  That's why I'm here."

That is what I tell them, the fans who come to see me.  One came by today.  She looked so much like my wife.  Where is that one anyway?  Always out with her friends.  When is she coming home?  Galivanting falluting galvanizing van van van Vancouver.

The afternoon light is dim.   I look out the window but I see no birds in the trees.

It is actually very dark and everything is quiet.

Except for that bitch in the next room, who just keeps crying.  Something about her  Danny or Daddy.   Make up your mind bitch which is it?   Your Danny?

"Daddy!  Daddy! Please. I'll be good this time.....Please.  Daddy!" Her pathetic wail starts low, sounding like a scared child; she is no child.  She is probably my age.  I get so fed up hearing her I shout, Shut up you stupid bitch!

It is quiet for a brief moment.   Then the whole thing starts again.

Daddy!  Daddy!  I'll be good this time.

Christ, where are they?  Security?  Didn't they hear me call?  Security!  Escort this one to my room.

Someone is at the door.  Another fan.  She's young enough to be my daughter.  I don't think so, but I don't know.  I can't remember shit.  That's why I'm here you know.

Why is my daughter wearing white?  Is today her wedding?  Why wasn't I told about this?  Or did they tell me, and I forgot?  She wipes my mouth.

                  "You can't shout that like.  Please calm down.  Miss Brook is just upset again.  I'm sorry if she woke you up."

What does she mean 'woke me up?'  Christ, it's not like I'm a child here.  It's the middle of the afternoon.  Am I supposed to sleep in the day time now too?   They have funny rules here.

                   "Here.  Did you need some water?  Take a little. That's a good man.  Now get some rest. I'll be by later to check up on you."

                    NmGggnnhh.  Rbbdu.  Christ!
                  "I'm sorry.  Did you need something?  "
                    Nmmmggnh. Rbbdu. Christ!!!
                   "That's good.  You'll be ok.  Your daughter is coming by tomorrow she said."

What the hell is she talking about. She is coming by tomorrow?  Today and tomorrow?  What does she do all day?   Doesn't the poor girl have a job?   Oh,  right today is her wedding day.  No?  Then why is she here now wearing a goddam wedding dress?  Weddings.  Wife.  Walls.  Walking.  Walking.  Waaaaaa!  Daddy!  Daddy!   I promise I'll be a good girl.

Am I walking?  My legs aren't moving so fast. If I had a candle in my head you could say I was a little light headed.  

I used to be in a band you know.  You probably heard of us.  One day I jumped off a stage and they caught me and I screamed but that was before I jumped, but they caught me.  They don't catch you anymore. They left you drop.
BANG. Fuck that hurt.  The bastards didn't catch me this time.
"Oh my god, he's out of bed again.  I think he fell.  Code blue in room 403.  Code blue.  "

Oh, my daughter is here again, and she is wearing white.  She looks like an angel.  Why is she looking at me like that? Is it lunch time?
Nmmmmggh.  Rbbdu. Chrrr.  Sss.  t.

I can do it  myself you ignorant foods.  Fools I meant today.  To say.  I meant to say Foo on  you. We don't care what you say, Fucky you.  You heard me shitbirds.   Shithead birds turds n-n-n-nnerds.  I can't do everything here.  I'm pulling my load, you pull yours.  Lift my what?  My head?

                  "I think you had a bad dream.  We'll get you cleaned up.  That's a good little man."

If your going downtown miss, you might as well say hello to my friend Mr. Happy.  See?  He's happy to see you too.

"Daddy! Daddy!  I promised I'll be a good girl....Daddy!"

My dog is coming tomorrow to visit me. Maybe he will play some cards!  Hah!  That's a good one.  I used to be in a band you know?   We used to jump off the stage and young girls would....they would...
I forget what did they do?
I can't remember so good these days.  That's why I'm here.

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