May 27, 2012

Deep into that darkness peering, 
long I stood there wondering, fearing,doubting, 
dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before;
But the silence was unbroken, 
and the darkness gave no token,
And the only word there spoken was 
the whispered word, `Lenore!'
This I whispered, and an echo murmured back the word, `Lenore!'
Merely this and nothing more.  

The Human Remains
somewhere inside of us
A shell that contains
somewhere that part of us

The bodily crust
Submerging lust
Love- are you kidding?- you must
the Human remains inside of us
dense milt 1979.

The world of right is black or white
So says the blonde known as Miss Grey
Remembering a rendezvous she had that day a deja vu-
What a way to live
dense milt 1982

Some people never leave.  
Their presence so strong that we need only to pause, 
and they are beside us, inside us, all around us
within us.   
And so it is with Lenore.  

I can hear you laughing. 
the unmistakeable cackle
Chortle and glint in your wink
Still breathing, still fighting for what is right
In a world of wrongs,
You the trailblazer, 
the visionary outsider
enfant troublemaker
supreme shitdisturber 
libel loving Lenore
uncensored when provoked
Her mission to seek out 
new forms of life, art, love
new words,
new visions
she boldly goes where no man has gone before
and no woman either
this spirit mother
mushroom shaman witch doctor
Conjuror of video visions
never fading to black
Only to Grey
Miss you, Miss Grey

May 25, 2012

Five years and counting

Five Years

Pushing through the market square
So many mothers sighing
News had just come over
We had five years left to cry in
News guy wept and told us
Earth was really dying
Cried so much his face was wet
Then I knew he was not lying
I heard telephones, opera house, favourite melodies
Saw boys, toys, electric irons and TVs
My brain hurt like a warehouse
It had no room to spare
I had to cram so many things to store
Everything in there
And all the fat-skinny people
And all the tall-short people
And all the nobody people
And all the somebody people
I never thought I'd need so many people
A girl my age went off her head
Hit some tiny children
If the black hadn't a-pulled her off
I think she would have killed them
A soldier with a broken arm
Fixed his stare to the wheels of a Cadillac
A cop knelt and kiss the feet of a priest
And a queer threw up at the sight of that
I think I saw you in an ice-cream parlour
Drinking milk shakes cold and long
Smiling and waving and looking so fine
Don't think you knew you were in this song
And it was cold and it rained
So I felt like an actor
And I thought of Ma
and I wanted to get back there
Your face, your race, the way that you talk
I kiss you, you're beautiful, I want you to walk
We got five years, stuck on my eyes
We got five years, what a surprise
We got five years, my brain hurts a lot
We got five years, that's all we've got

David Bowie

Today marks the five year anniversary of what I will call "the end and birth" of another one of the many lives of this cat. 
As you can see with the before and after, lucky to be here.  So many changes in the past five years, but I take much solace in the fact that so many people still comment on how young I look.   That is a choice of how we live our lives, and a throw of the genetic dice.
These are the same loaded dice that got me into this pickle.  We see our capricious fate can be.  A year after my incident, Scotty Hard had his life change in a way we could never have imagined.  My good friends Liz, Saeko, Matt, and Lenore were taken from us; the pain is still there, the memories will always be there, and the feelings of thanks for not being included in that number.  This is a club that I'm not ready to join.  In the past seven years, I lost two fathers, two sister-in-laws, and two beloved dogs.  The new math is not so kind.
And yet, I am here.  Against all odds, I am here. 
And I love life.  And those around me who keep me so young, and laughing, and living the fullest life imaginable. 


Pancreatic Cancer is the 4th most common form of cancer

May 23, 2012

Well it's been building up inside of me for oh I don't know how long....


Well its been building up inside of me
For oh I don't know how long
I don't know why
But I keep thinking
Something's bound to go wrong

His volcano was embedded 
Behind the lines.....
"Well, you said it."
With emotions embroiled,
His Fuse lit, his words oiled.
"Who left the baby in the bathwater 
with the water on the boil?"
Tension simmers and empties fill the room Smoke hangs in the air
All you can taste now is the grease inside your lungs from the fires in the soil, from the fires in your soul.