July 28, 2012

To Dog or Not to Dog

I woke up this morning with a poodle on my legs.  A 60 lb. poodle.  Lying on my bed, resting on top of me.  I was effectively pinned to the mattress.  

I had been lost in a dream about work, but not about where I presently work; rather I dreamed about a former place of employment.
As it was a dream, everything was mixed up but there was a palpable anxiety.  As if there was a weight upon me.

Oh yeah.  There was a weight upon me.  My sub-standard poodle, Toodles.  She is sub-standard only in that she is smaller than a standard Standard.   Toodles was the runt of the litter, and when she came to us, she was about 4 lbs of bone, fur and had the smell of those small stuffed animals.  Her scent was a musky peppery smell.  From the beginning, I had her in my sights.

I struggled to free myself from the poodle entrapment, only to be greeted at my feet by my ankle-biter, Maisy.   Maisy is a terrier/terror.  She is the epitome of the word, hound.   Not as a noun, but as a verb.  As we see below, "hound" as a verb derives from the germanic word "hund".
Most likely so does the work "hunt", and "hunter".


O.E. hund "dog," from P.Gmc. *khundas (cf. Ger. Hund, O.N.hundr, Goth. hunds), from PIE *kuntos, dental enlargement of base *kwon- "dog" (see canine). Meaning narrowed 12c. to "dog used for hunting." The verb sense of "urge on, incite" is first attested 1528, that of "pursue"

I urge Maisy to quit dogging me.  Once again, we are verbalizing our nouns.



To relentlessly pursue; nipping at your heels; bark incessantly; try to jump into the television.

OK, that last part I made up.  To dog or not to dog?  Whither the noble beast that nips at the very fabric of my soul.  

And what fabric would that be, Mr. Milt?

Hounds-tooth, of course.

Buy it by the yard.  The whole nine yards.  By the fat quarter.  On Fat Tuesday. 
Shrove this, tithe that.  Getting fat on Pancake Day.  Sweetened with honey from the comb. 

The honeycomb another example of Escher before Escher.  A tessellation of social acitivity.  A hive of sticky-in-to-it-tive-ness.  I am helpless here.  I can't drop this thread until I mention honeycomb houndstooth.

And I have had jackets of houndstooth, honeycomb houndstooth, poodle cuts, been called a terrierist.  But enough with the words, word associations, and worldly witticisms.

I really have to quit dogging the work I need to do.  I have been vacillating doing my dog-eared taxes.  After all, my dear wife whom I have been devoted to for over 33 years, has been hounding me to do them since before the day they were due.  

July 27, 2012

Keep on truckin'

The remnants of the 60's still flashback to me.  Above we have the ubiquitous "Keep on truckin'' character from R. Crumb. 

Which reminded me of Richard Brautigan.  Brautigan once wrote, "All of us have a place in history. Mine is clouds."  He also left a suicide note that read, "Messy, isn't it?"

All Watched Over by Machines of Loving Grace

I like to think (and
the sooner the better!)
of a cybernetic meadow
where mammels and computers
live together in mutually
programming harmony
like pure water
touching clear sky.

July 19, 2012

My Definition


adj \ˈden(t)s\ 

Origin of DENSE

Latin densus; akin to Greek dasys thick with hair or leaves
First Known Use: 15th century
Known variances:
Definition of DENSE
a: marked by compactness or crowding together of parts <dense vegetation> <dense traffic> b: having a high mass per unit volume dense gas>
a: slow to understand : stupid, thickheaded dense to get the joke> b: extreme <dense ignorance>
: having between any two elements at least one element dense>
: demanding concentration to follow or comprehend <dense prose>
: having high or relatively high opacity dense fog> dense photographic negative>


noun \ˈmilt\

Origin of MILT

probably from Middle Dutch milte milt of fish, spleen; akin to Old English milte spleen — more at

First Known Use: 15th century
Definition of MILT
: the sperm-containing fluid of a male fish
: Milt or soft roe also refers to the male genitalia of fish when they contain sperm, used as food.
In many cuisines, milt is served fried.


Definition of DENSE MILT

noun \dens milt\

n:  minor cult figure in Vancouver music scene circa 1978-present <dens milt>

n: special hair tonic used to keep hair thick and awesome : thick hair headed dense milt and now I can't get my hair to lay flat> b: extreme dense milt?>
dens·milt: use with extreme caution ; may be habit forming

Learn More About DENSE MILT

July 18, 2012

Call Me Leviathan with Soul

The whale has a trick that he does when he’s hungry,
He opens up his mouth and a sweet tale unfolds.
Fish trickle in, tickle him, he says come in
Come into my mouth and then he swallows them whole.

Deep down in the belly of the whale there’s a door
Follow the pleasures as your body goes south
Satan himself upon his highchair eating damned well
It’s a whale of a tale in this salty hellmouth
 And He eats damn well and his Hellmouth never closes,
He's wide open, well spoken, a Lugubrious lad
His hunger it gnaws whilst his thirst cancels reason
And the whole damned meal can make you go mad.
 In The Rapture for Dummies,  a book I firmly recommend
A plague on all houses and the wicked world ends
There is violence and vermin, vipers, and snakes,
Spiders and cannibals, the naked multitudes shake

So run away son, come from the north to the south
In the belly of the beast the compass finds Hellmouth.
You were wading through the river just to get to the end
And saw the head of the Leviathan up around the bend.
 Smoke pours forth and you began to lose your sight
"By his neesings you will know him" - is it day or is it night?
A little light doth shine, on his eyelids of the morning
You can hardly breathe from the sound of his snoring.
These visions of the neesings keep me up awake all night.
And in the final revelation, who has the beast’s bigger bite?
So we all revelled on in the shadows of his  powers
Hear the Leviathan screams in the hellmouth’s final hour
You see, the big beast’s a baby who throws a final fit
And gets brought to his knees by a worm called "kilbit",
Clinging to his gills, the Seven Princes of Satan
Is it true a little worm killed the Devil's own Kraken?
Let us all review what we have just learned here:
Legends are stand-ins for our unvoiced fears.
God has no control of the Hellmouth open wide
The world's brought down from a killer inside
 So is the myth of the Hellmouth a simple metaphor for meals?
Or is it the oldest male nightmare of the wound that never heals?
Eve’s vagina dentate form the primal roots of this truth
From a boiled down Bible - Revelations to Ruth.
 While  God and the Devil create fears of the other
Our original sin is our fear of the Mother.
Allow me to shine a little light into her door
From the place all life emerges - an unsuspecting metaphor.
It’s "Rapture",  you Dummies with its summer sweet smells,
drawing us to pleasures of the flesh not hell.
Its Original Sin, and when that gal has you down
Her jaws clamp shut, welcome to Hellmouth town.
And the whole enchilada gets shut down by a worm,
But if the 'kilbit' kills the buzz,  I’d rather stay warm
So open up your Hellmouth and wipe the sleep from my eyes 
And call me Leviathan, with soul where it lies.

July 10, 2012

You have enemies?

"This is the sort of English up with which I will not put."

"You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life."

"If you're going through hell, keep going."

July 8, 2012

The Hard R- Don't leave harm without it

The Hard R.

Don't leave Harm without it.

R-colored vowel

Where would the Newfoundland-R be
without the R-coloured vowel?
Like the old yarn as sung by the Bard:
Fishheads and fiddleheads 
and little arms ate Ivy
Cuttlefish divers, too?

To Stress or Delete? To Pitar or to Pater?







To pitar (Sanskrit) 

or to pater (Latin and Ancient Greek)?

That is the question.   

Whether to postulate 

"schwa indogermanicum" 

or simple evolve 

into a theory of the so-called 


She had a certain Schwa de vive.  

To stress or delete?  

To Pitar or to Pater?  

Pataphysics and sidekicks

Sick kids sucking sidecars

Mouth breathers sing the Hard R's

Hardy Har Hars.

Mehs and metaphysics

Smiley faces and schwa swingers

She sings of paranormals and the 

polyamorous, dischords and dialtones,

Morphing into melons 

Music and mucilage.

Oh, my.  Don't cry over the spilt milt.

He's a Spoilt rod with a spare in the trunk.

Be prepared for George Peppard,

Go lightly treading on his 

Moon in June rivers.

"hey they look like Jesus 

standing on a surfboard, 

paddling the sick waters of False Creek."

His milt flowed from him in a mist....


"The sight of the eggs and the taste of the water made Salar quiver....
His milt flowed from him in a mist."

Henry Williamson 1935

July 3, 2012

The Ballad of the Great Swingin’ Dick

The Ballad of the Great Swingin’ Dick

CHORUS: This here’s the ballad of the Great Swingin’ Dick

A tale as tall as Moby though maybe not as thick

Paul Bunyan had a cow and he called it Babe

A cow is just a cow, hold your nose they look the sabe.

Jack Kerouac hit the road to sample apple pie

All across the USA he was looking for a guy

Deep in the heart of Texas don’t forget the ala mode

Leave your blood in the blood bank- not on the road.

 The fish that got away was a monster from the deep

It took my hook my line my pole it robbed me of my sleep

From a whimper to scream, from the bottle to a dream

The Great Swingin’ Dick is not what it seems.

 I was looking for the kipper and chomping on the bit

The hair just hides the scars, the zipper and the slit

The bottle was in front of me the glass upon the table

My shirt was inside out when she began to read the label.

We start out small in the dark the mystery of the other

The oven’s hot my nerves are shot it’s mind over mother

Jerry Lewis plays Buddy Love, Dean Martin slurs Amore,

And the Great Swingin’ Dick keeps running up the score.

I pays the bills I buys the drinks the epic poem continues

My dick like product placement, Swarzeneggar hype and sinews,

To get ahead just lick the lead, the ship sails out of bounds

The sailor’s in his cups, Land Ho! The whistle sounds….

CHORUS: This here’s the ballad of the Great Swingin’ Dick

A tale as tall as Moby, though maybe not as thick

Paul Bunyan had a cow, when someone fucked his Babe

Barnacle Bill fell in his drink, and called it a close shave.

July 2, 2012

Of Rain, The Park, and Other Things

Fine particulates matter

collecting exhausted human forms.

This perception precipitates 

an old recipe for rain.

Present dense clouds populate the neighbourhood,

increasing the likelihood of murder.
In the commons, muted screams. 

Traffic builds over the course of the week, 
whittling time, whetstones, misunderstandings. 
Now the likelihood increases: 
Who is watching the children?  

Widows peek through pulled curtains.
By gosh, galoshes and slickers 
As far as the eyes see. 
This forecast underwhelms and delivers an overcast pall.
"Is it over yet, she says as 
the wetness between her legs increases.
By Saturday, after five days of weekdays,  
Well, the effect can be dramatic. 

There is now a 22% higher chance of rain
on Saturdays than on Mondays. 
Call this the "urban heat island effect" 
Warming sidewalks, moist nights
chalk "I love you's" wash away
blurring the focus, increasing the risks.

The awnings are alarming, the storm is warning,
The globe is warming while 
Poodles in puddles stop to sniff the wind:
They sense 0.6 °C  to 5.6 °C above 
the surrounding suburbs and rural areas.

This extra heat leads to 
greater upward mobility, 
prompting induced labor,
Baby showers, trickle down economics and extracurricular activities.
Bunker down.  Head under the sheets, 
An unfortunate incident occurs:
A cat escapes criticism
and  a baby gets thrown out with the bathwater! 

July 1, 2012

Pipe up, speak out, speak out of turn, talk out of your ass

Pipe up:
to speak up.

Speak out: to express one's opinion openly and without fear or hesitation; "John spoke up at the meeting".

Speak out of turn:
to say something that you should not have said

Talking out of your ass:

Uttering or talking nonsense. Most commonly done by politicians, shills, and corporate whores