The Ballad of the Great Swingin’ Dick

The Ballad of the Great Swingin’ Dick

CHORUS: This here’s the ballad of the Great Swingin’ Dick

A tale as tall as Moby though maybe not as thick

Paul Bunyan had a cow and he called it Babe

A cow is just a cow, hold your nose they look the sabe.

Jack Kerouac hit the road to sample apple pie

All across the USA he was looking for a guy

Deep in the heart of Texas don’t forget the ala mode

Leave your blood in the blood bank- not on the road.

 The fish that got away was a monster from the deep

It took my hook my line my pole it robbed me of my sleep

From a whimper to scream, from the bottle to a dream

The Great Swingin’ Dick is not what it seems.

 I was looking for the kipper and chomping on the bit

The hair just hides the scars, the zipper and the slit

The bottle was in front of me the glass upon the table

My shirt was inside out when she began to read the label.

We start out small in the dark the mystery of the other

The oven’s hot my nerves are shot it’s mind over mother

Jerry Lewis plays Buddy Love, Dean Martin slurs Amore,

And the Great Swingin’ Dick keeps running up the score.

I pays the bills I buys the drinks the epic poem continues

My dick like product placement, Swarzeneggar hype and sinews,

To get ahead just lick the lead, the ship sails out of bounds

The sailor’s in his cups, Land Ho! The whistle sounds….

CHORUS: This here’s the ballad of the Great Swingin’ Dick

A tale as tall as Moby, though maybe not as thick

Paul Bunyan had a cow, when someone fucked his Babe

Barnacle Bill fell in his drink, and called it a close shave.