August 12, 2014

Suicide happens when pain exceeds resources for coping with pain.

First off before we go any further let me just say I am fine.
I am a very sensitive person who knows the black dogs of depression,
but today the only black dogs are the ones on the end of the leash as I walk them around the block.

Lately there is so much death in the news.  And sadness.  

How can people be so stupid and so cruel?  

From Gaza to the Ukraine, from the continual war on women, and the war on the individual, and 
the war against privacy, the world closes in.
We start to choke on this world.
It grabs us by the throat and throws us to the ground like a rag doll.


We smile.  We force ourselves to smile.   We walk our dogs, and pet our cats.
We hug our children and kiss our lovers.  
And the sun shines.
And the water is clear and drinkable.

But for some people who do not have all the love around them like I do, life can become unbearable.

The following is from a website: 

"Suicide is not chosen; it happens when pain exceeds resources for coping with pain."

"That's all it's about. You are not a bad person, or crazy, or weak, or flawed, because you feel suicidal. It doesn't even mean that you really want to die - it only means that you have more pain than you can cope with right now. If I start piling weights on your shoulders, you will eventually collapse if I add enough weights... no matter how much you want to remain standing. Willpower has nothing to do with it. Of course you would cheer yourself up, if you could. "

"Don't accept it if someone tells you, "That's not enough to be suicidal about." There are many kinds of pain that may lead to suicide. Whether or not the pain is bearable may differ from person to person. What might be bearable to someone else, may not be bearable to you. The point at which the pain becomes unbearable depends on what kinds of coping resources you have. Individuals vary greatly in their capacity to withstand pain. "

"When pain exceeds pain-coping resources, suicidal feelings are the result. Suicide is neither wrong nor right; it is not a defect of character; it is morally neutral. It is simply an imbalance of pain versus coping resources.

You can survive suicidal feelings if you do either of two things:
(1) find a way to reduce your pain, or 
(2) find a way to increase your coping resources. 

Both are possible. "

I remembered this from the Art Bears from my time of great creativity, and great wild life:

Words by Bertholt Brecht, Music by Hanns Eisler

In such a country, and at such at time
There should be no melancholy evenings
Even high bridges over the rivers
And the hours between the night and morning
And the long long winter time as well
All these are dangerous !
For in view of all the misery
People just throw, in a few seconds time
Their unbearable lives away

"People just throw, in a few seconds time, their unbearable lives away."

These words are haunting.

If you cannot cope with your pain, your mental conditions,

your  demons, depression, your black dog,

 you become overwhelmed, PLEASE ASK FOR HELP!

Scream for help if you have to. 

In a few seconds time.....

I have been trying to write for the past few months.

Lately, death is all around me.

A few months ago, our friend Dave Gregg's heart gave out far too young.
A few weeks ago, My dear Mother, her time ran out, at age 93
She lived a long and beautiful life, 
although her last 8 years she was trapped inside her mind. 
her life was the living hell that is dementia

A few hours ago,  Robin Williams who made us all laugh and cry so many times 
ended his own life.

In a few seconds time...

Oscar Wilde gets the last word.

"The final mystery is oneself.
 When one has weighed the sun in the balance, and measured the steps of the moon, and mapped out the seven heavens star by star, there still remains oneself.
 Who can calculate the orbit of his own soul?"

1 comment:

  1. A most worthwhile post. My younger brother committed suicide five years ago, as you say, the weight piled on him was more than he could bear. He had been seeing a shrink, only problem was that he wasn't a very good shrink. He didn't seem to give a rat's ass. He told my brother that if he should happen to miss his meds then double up next time.
    I have stared into the cold eyes of the black dog myself, particularly in my early 20's. Somehow things came back into something like balance and I doubt I would ever pull my own plug now. But there those times when the clouds roll in and perception is skewed. Now though, with the experience of decades on my side I don't see it as much of a likelihood but more of a passing existential phase. I only wish we could have somehow thrown out a life preserver to my brother...